whoa, woe is me

this world is not my home. i know that because there is much frustration, disappointment, and so many things that bother me and just plain ole get on my nerves. and that is ok for we are passing through. i do desire joy in this life and contentment and peace and God has given all of this to me. He helps me cope through things that really used to paralyze me. I will persevere. I have a job to do while i am here in this world and with His constant help I will accomplish that job. smiling all the while even when i may be crying too.
Another year has come and gone and resolutions have once again been made for this chic. Study scripture, cook more, eat less, exercise, love well, and journal.
As i think about the past and my ever-lingering struggles, my heart cries out for relief from these things. A new set of challenges doesn't sound near as bad as the round and round with the stupid things that i drag around and allow to hold me back. Symbolically i am laying these things down, once again, and asking that my God would take me beyond myself and transform my mind, body, and soul... that he would prepare me to experience life on a new level of thinking and service. There is much i would like to pursue. but before i may lay hold of any single thing that i dream of, i must pursue Him like i have never pursued Him before. I know this. i have no doubt about it. so with this totally at the front of my mind and heart i am crying out for a passion for Him that supersedes anything else about me. .. family, marriage, work, exercise, anything at all... i want Him to overwhelm me with a relentless longing for Him. His name, His glory, His character, His plan, His promises. I want to love Him like i have never loved Him before. It's a confession i am making... I want my love and my pursuit to be different. It must look different and involve much more than it does today. if it does not then nothing will change, nothing will develop, nothing at all. i will remain as i am today. It will take a new level of determination, a new level of obedience and a new level of diligence. I admit i am lazy when it comes to pursuing the God whom i want so desperately to know. and to not pursue equals to not know. i desire to have a transformation take place in this heart of mine and for Him to be glorified in a beautiful way because of the way i love Him and the way i love other people in His name.
Holy God, will you please take this dirty nasty lazy life of mine and breathe new life into it...daily. it has been redeemed by your precious blood so let me not allow these negative things reside here. Transform my mind, heart, body and the passion that fills my days. Show me how to be different. Give me the strength to do my part.